And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This girl is more easily done than said...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
