Who did Billy Mays play for?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
