I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
