Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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