I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
