I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
