it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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