Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize