can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize