omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
