i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
