I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
