YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
