I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize