Say something about gay babies.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
