Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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