I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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