Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he laminated a picture of his dick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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