I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
