If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
