I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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