My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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