the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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