birth control should be required to get into college
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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