He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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