My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
