You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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