The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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