Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
