Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
