It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
