if only i could text you this smell
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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