My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
