I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
