i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
