Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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