put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
