He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
