We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
did i walk over a car last night?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
