Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
