Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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