:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
