He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
3pm strippers are depressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
