You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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