Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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