I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize