if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
