North Korea, Best Korea!
false alarm. still invincible.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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