You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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