She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
