Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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