he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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