I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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