As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
