I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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