so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
