im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
