Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Im at strip club and am horny

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  (313): Im at strip club and am horny http://tfl.nu/rj7w
  Replies (8) Good night (1198) Bad night (1952)
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  (858): View more from California

  I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.

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  (858): I've rolled joints bigger than that penis. http://tfl.nu/pgx0
  Replies (29) Good night (769) Bad night (4557)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.

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  (512): just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever. http://tfl.nu/ittj
  Replies (69) Good night (4594) Bad night (788)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny

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  (516): you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny http://tfl.nu/9x6z
  Replies (9) Good night (590) Bad night (2974)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.

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  (204): all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future. http://tfl.nu/ob1b
  Replies (4) Good night (3885) Bad night (748)
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  (916): View more from California

  this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.

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  (916): this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her. http://tfl.nu/xmhd
  Replies (26) Good night (4896) Bad night (720)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

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  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7911) Bad night (596)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling

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  (207): I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling http://tfl.nu/w1qs
  Replies (15) Good night (3086) Bad night (642)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?

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  (240): planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you? http://tfl.nu/bdmu
  Replies (7) Good night (1399) Bad night (663)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.

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  (808): Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful. http://tfl.nu/6ueo
  Replies (10) Good night (2368) Bad night (853)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?

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  (248): THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday? http://tfl.nu/raf6
  Replies (14) Good night (1878) Bad night (906)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2633) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.

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  (706): six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot. http://tfl.nu/rrmy
  Replies (6) Good night (1396) Bad night (429)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.

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  (607): I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/nmbl
  Replies (4) Good night (869) Bad night (331)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.

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  (770): Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes. http://tfl.nu/ubpd
  Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (327)

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