What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
