Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".

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(626): My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today". http://tfl.nu/jga5

Replies (35) Good night (3590) Bad night (1928)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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(847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl

Replies (47) Good night (14061) Bad night (1375)
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(519): View more from Ontario

You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

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(519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug

Replies (29) Good night (6449) Bad night (1087)
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(319): View more from Iowa

How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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(319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2

Replies (26) Good night (8023) Bad night (1371)
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(216): View more from Ohio

ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.

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(216): ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time. http://tfl.nu/5061

Replies (6) Good night (1091) Bad night (4157)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.

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(715): I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to. http://tfl.nu/bxlt

Replies (8) Good night (912) Bad night (3823)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.

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(901): I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck. http://tfl.nu/z7fe

Replies (21) Good night (8298) Bad night (890)
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(626): View more from California

I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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(626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j

Replies (4) Good night (3835) Bad night (855)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.

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(913): Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/5vu2

Replies (5) Good night (1601) Bad night (811)
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(707): View more from California

I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key

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(707): I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key http://tfl.nu/dsgw

Replies (15) Good night (1979) Bad night (657)
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(440): View more from Ohio

when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

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(440): when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine http://tfl.nu/xy6d

Replies (7) Good night (1552) Bad night (639)
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(801): View more from Utah

Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there

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(801): Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there http://tfl.nu/7057

Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (300)
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(509): View more from Washington

Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.

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(509): Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse. http://tfl.nu/4hg3

Replies (0) Good night (384) Bad night (211)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.

(865): View more from Tennessee

Spopky scrzy skeletonssz

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(615): I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET. (865): Spopky scrzy skeletonssz http://tfl.nu/c8hh

Replies (5) Good night (668) Bad night (304)
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(281): View more from Texas

This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.

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(281): This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse. http://tfl.nu/ekrm

Replies (8) Good night (279) Bad night (693)

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