The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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