you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
